trying to figure out why~

Sometimes I wonder though I shouldn't, why one earth am I born with such attitude.

I ain't beating around the bushes anymore. I hate myself.

For hurting the one whom I love the most.

Yeah.

Take a guess.

BINGO!

My mom.

Yep. I hurt her. Again. 

I should go to hell for such sin. Yeah. I should.

Aku tak tau la sampai bika perangai aku ni nak tahan. Even I'm sick of myself. And that's just sick.

So much for being a goody-two-shoes daughter. 

One day, I am gonna hit my head on the floor wishing I had changed earlier. Yeah. Manusia.

That's me.

Could I just say that I don't deserve a mom as wonderful as she is?

I really don't deserve her right?

yep. I know.

Here, I would like to say to y'all.. I love my mom so much. I love her to the point which I myself can't say. I shouldnt point the skeletons in my closets. I know. But I'm doing it anyway. I just wanna say that I'm a bad kid.

An ungrateful daughter.

A thoughtless human being.

And I deserve no kindness from people. 

I can't cry. I never cry.

I will not cry. Ever.

Ma, I'm sorry that I hurt you. I'm sorry that I broke your heart into pieces.

I'm sorry that I'm the cause of those tears.

I'm sorry that I can never be a good daughter the way you want.

I pray that your other children won't follow my black and dark path.

I pray that they'll turn out the way you want them to.

I pray that HE will always look out for you and grant all your wishes.

I pray that one day maybe I can make you proud.

I pray that someday I can be good.

I pray that someday I will no longer cause your heartaches and tears.

I pray.

Yeah. I do.

Na sayang mama. sangat. sangat.

Kepada sahabat-sahabat yang lama tahan dengan perangai aku yang menyakitkan hati ni. 

Thanks guys. Seriously. Thanks.

Aku nak mintak maaf kalau aku bukan lah friend material sangat.

I am all about weakness.

(senyum pahit terpaksa)

Aku nak habaq mai yang these past 4 years and a half was a blast!

No matter what.
Aku doakan kita sama-sama berjaya.

May we get through this exam dengan harapan Allah akan sentiasa membantu kita.

Yeah.

Hopefully.

Sincerely aku cakap kat korang. Aku sayang korang gilaks!

And to kawan aku yang lagik sorang tuh. I'm sorry. That's all I can say.

May fate fares you better~

ranting.nonestop.nonesense.dengan.rasa.berbuku.

signing out,

     Jo