*rollercoster ride*

Dan bile otak pon dah kacau bilau tak tentu arah.
Hati pulak dah mula berbolak balik,
Diri sendiri pon dah tunggang terbalik, frust menonggeng, putus fius dan segala bagai...
Dan lagu Gotta Be Somebody-Nickleback mula melalak,
dan tekak terasa berpasir..
apa yang aku nak buat?


Yeah, I'm stumped.


Seriously.


Without no doubt.




Nak deactivate ataupon tak. Ayaakkss! I hate it when I am stuck in these kinda situations.
Okay2.. so, gimme reasons why I should deactivate :


1- everything that mama said. yeah, that practically rounds up everything.
2-you know it's 'kacau'ing your mind.!
3-you're distracted! (macam same je dengan no 2 -_-')


whatever it is. Aku rasa nak sangat deactvate fb ni. 
Yeah, orang kata " Tapi an, kat fb ni la kita banyak tau maklumat segala bagai..."
I know, probably the reason why I still haven't deactivated it yet. 
But then again, antara benefit dengan keburukan..or kelalaian, yang mana lagi banyak..




Aaaa...sheesh.. That I too know the answer..
and again terasa sesak.
I hate decisions.
I hate choices.
Cause I fear that I would regret it somehow..later..


See that you weak girl! The Syaitan dok bisik-bisik kat hang supaya hang tak buat benda yang hang rasa baik untuk hang!
Oh ya.. *tundukakur*


 aku tak kuat. maaf


aku tak hebat. maaf.


aku selalu kalah dengan diri sendiri.  I know


aku tak sempurna. Heck! who is!?


I'm not. That's for sure..


I'm torn apart. It hurts. Like hell. 
and by each second aku makin lemah.




Haha.. you know what? All my posts are depressing, irritating, pathetic and desperate!
Haha.. and nak tau tak? i dont give a damn!
No I don't.. 
Aku tak boleh nak tipu diri sendiri nak write all the wonderful colours in the rainbow, flowers and all that.
Aku tak pandai nak buat ayat gramatis whatsoever.
Aku tak pandai buat cerita,
Aku pandai merapu je...
Aku tau nak ramble nonesense.




aku tak suka depress ni.. aku tak suka frust menonggeng tunggang terbalik ni.
Haha.
aku tak suka.
Betul.
Aku bukan macam ni.




Pray for me for tomorrow and the next four days.. :)




out,
Jo

hamena,hamena,hamena

tersangatlah ngantuk.. terasa macam ada canonball je kat mata ni.. sumpah penat giga!

Ngantuk sangat menghadap Biology wa sejarah!

Hooyahh!! Biology + History= Biol la nanti..

Tapi memang tak tergambar ngantuk ni.. Oh and I broke my rules. Yeah, Weird. Diri sendiri pon boleh break diri sendiri punya rules ka?

Oh well.. ni kan NH~

I'm dragging my self back into those memories. k.


yeah.. i did. i broke my vow. o' how i hate myself now. Seriously. (serious face)
I mean... it's hard ! Dammit!
and bila tengah kusut serabut macam segala mende tak kena .. mula la goyah balik!
yeah like an amateur acrobat on a tight rope carrying a hippo. weirdd~
 Sungguh la tak senang untuk aku stop! dammit dude! how did you do it?
It took me all the segala effort yang terselit di segala ceruk untuk tak on9 tiap-tiap hari.
untuk look away from all those cerita-cerita yang dah jadi macam breakfast cereal to me.


Yeah.


Sampai tahap camtu lagha aku.


And all those lagu-lagu headbanging yang even the rockest girl dalam sekolah aku pon tak dengar.
all  those music yang dah jadi macam oxygen to me. A medicine. A drug. An addiction.
Sampai 24/7 dengan headphone yang tak pernah lekang. Ayaaakkss! and then all of a sudden nak kena divorce! (haha...so not the word la)
but then again .. I was never right at mind pon..
 Listening to all those songs .. (nickleback,creed,linkin park,two steps from hell, green day, 3 doors down, metallica and the list goes on....) yeah. it became as natural as breathing oxygen


And tau mama tak suka. Heck! Tau Allah and Prophet despise. But curse my damn heart and ego!
 Memang these past few weeks aku macam nak berteriak bila segala mende lagha whatsoever tu kene pandang je. but not touch or hear~
i gtg. will cntinue later. out. 


signing out,
Jo

Boys Are Stupid

     

Oh ya.... Throw everything you can at them. Memang potassium cyanide la punya laki! outrageous! spirogyra asbestos! sungguh patut kena tembak je dengan M16! Tanam hidup!!

You guys have no right or whatsoever untuk comment pasal kitorang!
Korang dah buat kawan aku nangis and korang will pay for it! CASH!

Kalau tak tau apa-apa. Jangan sesuke hati sesedap oren je nak mengomen! Tak puas hati cakap face to face la bro!

apa cer cakap belakang!

apa ingat korang tu bagus sangat ke ??
Kitorang bukan tak kawan dengan orang lain la! Tak kan la kitorang nak kawan dengan orang lain tu sampai neraka???

Fail logic la korang ni!

Hampeh!

you know hampeh???

Kalaiu ikutkan hati aku nak simbah asid je kat korang!

macam nak humban dari KLCC je.

biar puas hati aku! 

ni kira okay lagik la aku ada iman tau!

I hate guys! I hate you guys! 

Tahniah!

Cause you managed to push me to the limit.

yeah

you  did.

I hate you.

I.really.do

bengang.tahap.putus.fius

out,

Jo

.........

                                 



                                       


Oh yeah.. and gambaq di atas tersangatlah comeyyylll~
and I am once again rambling nonsense.
Cuti ni. Sungguhlah tak terasa semangat nak buat holiday package macam dulu-dulu.
O ya..the thought of spending next week just for add maths simply kills me.


O' dear Add Math, my truly,
beloved one that have made me tingly,
and confused simultaneously,
leaving me puzzled and dizzy,
wondering why you are the way you are,
how to get closer to you,
before you run afar.




Awwkaaayyy... sungguh aku dah putus fius.
Aha~ blame it all on add maths..
ya.ya. next week heading off to kota tinggi for Easy Math..
(garu-garu dagu)
Jia you! Tuntulah ilmu walau ke kota tinggi!
Walau perlu berkorban seminggu cuti!
Demi skor A+, demi Illahi!
Demi mencapai cita-cita tertinggi!


(okay..tonight is not a poem night. it is NOT) -_-"




                                           


One more thing. 

I.Feel.Stupid

Yeah.I really do.

Dammit.

feeling.like.a.fool.truly.

out,

Jo

*gulp*

Did I mention earlier that i HATE myself?

well. i do. i hate myself. and all that comes with me.

and i'm on the verge of breaking down.

Wahai diri. Sabarlah.

(dongakkelangitmenahanairmata)

:'(

p/s: everybody in da house hates me too. I dont blame them. I would do the same thing too. Maybe even worse.

trying to figure out why~

Sometimes I wonder though I shouldn't, why one earth am I born with such attitude.

I ain't beating around the bushes anymore. I hate myself.

For hurting the one whom I love the most.

Yeah.

Take a guess.

BINGO!

My mom.

Yep. I hurt her. Again. 

I should go to hell for such sin. Yeah. I should.

Aku tak tau la sampai bika perangai aku ni nak tahan. Even I'm sick of myself. And that's just sick.

So much for being a goody-two-shoes daughter. 

One day, I am gonna hit my head on the floor wishing I had changed earlier. Yeah. Manusia.

That's me.

Could I just say that I don't deserve a mom as wonderful as she is?

I really don't deserve her right?

yep. I know.

Here, I would like to say to y'all.. I love my mom so much. I love her to the point which I myself can't say. I shouldnt point the skeletons in my closets. I know. But I'm doing it anyway. I just wanna say that I'm a bad kid.

An ungrateful daughter.

A thoughtless human being.

And I deserve no kindness from people. 

I can't cry. I never cry.

I will not cry. Ever.

Ma, I'm sorry that I hurt you. I'm sorry that I broke your heart into pieces.

I'm sorry that I'm the cause of those tears.

I'm sorry that I can never be a good daughter the way you want.

I pray that your other children won't follow my black and dark path.

I pray that they'll turn out the way you want them to.

I pray that HE will always look out for you and grant all your wishes.

I pray that one day maybe I can make you proud.

I pray that someday I can be good.

I pray that someday I will no longer cause your heartaches and tears.

I pray.

Yeah. I do.

Na sayang mama. sangat. sangat.

Kepada sahabat-sahabat yang lama tahan dengan perangai aku yang menyakitkan hati ni. 

Thanks guys. Seriously. Thanks.

Aku nak mintak maaf kalau aku bukan lah friend material sangat.

I am all about weakness.

(senyum pahit terpaksa)

Aku nak habaq mai yang these past 4 years and a half was a blast!

No matter what.
Aku doakan kita sama-sama berjaya.

May we get through this exam dengan harapan Allah akan sentiasa membantu kita.

Yeah.

Hopefully.

Sincerely aku cakap kat korang. Aku sayang korang gilaks!

And to kawan aku yang lagik sorang tuh. I'm sorry. That's all I can say.

May fate fares you better~

ranting.nonestop.nonesense.dengan.rasa.berbuku.

signing out,

     Jo

ridiculous

Aaaaaa... I am out of words to say. seriously. lemme say that the managements of some hotels are ridiculous.

Ada ke patut dia suruh aku and adik-adik terchenta aku leave the pool.?? DUDE! Seriously?? Punya la banyak hotel aku pernah pergi tak pernah satu pon suruh kitorang leave the pool. I mean come on la. Just sebab tak nak kena buat maintenance lebih diorang halau. OMG! what the ....?? Aku punya la tebai muka menahan marah tau dak! Rasa nak jumpa manager dia time-time tu jugak. Kesian hang tau dok kat adik-adik aku! Felt like chucking you into the pool je!huh. okay. aku dah habis melalut. adieu!